Your Guide to Surviving Divorce

After the divorce I thought Andrew, my 2 year old, was taking everything in stride. He seemed mostly unaffected by the divorce.

When we were married he usually only saw his father for a few hours around supper time and on weekends so I guess I figured that he simply wouldn’t notice that “daddy” wasn’t around anymore. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

About a month after Mark left the house, Andrew began losing his appetite, especially at dinner time. No amount of coaxing would get him to eat and he kept looking at his father’s empty chair though he didn’t say anything. It was then that it dawned on me. (more…)

Ever since the divorce, Matthew (my 8 year old) has been acting very stressed. My ex-wife Amy and I are both more than a little concerned.

I talked with other divorced friends of mine and they said that they went through a similar situation. Then it hit me……of course our children feel the effects…just as much as we do….maybe even more. I now realize that it is normal for kids in elementary school to feel very scared and anxious after a divorce.

Matthew has recently started to wake up with nightmares. In the same day, he can go from being happy to having temper tantrums. He told me that he wanted his mom and I to get back together. I wish I could have gave him the answer he wanted to hear but that just isn’t an option. (more…)

Of all my kids, my 13 year old daughter, Sarah, seems to be displaying the worst behavior at the moment (that changes from time to time).

When Matthew slammed his fist through the wall the other day, she actually smiled and said, “Way to go, Matthew!” Even though she was being sarcastic, it was almost as though she was trying to encourage her brother to continue acting out.

She often gives me mean looks when I am near and she frequently goes to her room, slamming her door and shouts at me to leave her alone if I knock on her door to talk to her. (more…)

Divorce affects every child a little differently, and with my son Andrew (age 2) he had no idea what divorce was. All he knew was that one day his daddy was there and the next he was gone.

When you stop to consider that when you are a toddler, mommy and daddy are your entire world, it has to be pretty frightening to wake up and find half your world has disappeared overnight.

Almost overnight my happy go lucky independent “little man” changed into a clingy and fussy child. He would follow me from room to room when we were at home and wouldn’t even sleep in his own bed for the first few weeks after his father left. (more…)

All of our kids have reacted and are dealing with the divorce in their own different ways. They all realize that this is final and that we will not be living together as a family any longer.

Matthew (my 8 year old) and Sarah (13) have had their moments but are dealing with things fairly well. Jacob (my 11 year old) on the other hand, is having a harder time dealing with his feelings.

He is so angry that he actually slammed his fist through a wall the other day over something small. His sister Sarah reminded him that he forgot to put the ice cream back in the freezer, not a big deal, but he just lost it. Thank goodness, he didn’t hurt himself or worse, strike out and hit his sister! The incident concerns me of course and it has opened my eyes and made me realize just how much anger he is carrying around inside – and how quickly it can come out! (more…)

My daughter Olivia, who is 5, is a very bright little girl and her mind is always thinking. Like many small children however, her conclusions aren’t always the right ones.

I discovered a few weeks ago that my daughter was blaming herself for her father leaving and our divorce.

I had no idea that she had been harboring such thoughts as I had followed the advice of all the experts and assured both her and Andrew, over and over again, that Mark’s leaving had nothing to do with them.

I thought she understood until a couple of months ago when I was helping her get ready for bed and she suddenly insisted she needed to go outside and put her toys away. (more…)

We expected our kids would take the news of our divorce hard but as my ex-wife, Amy said to me the other day, “Jason, did you think it would be like this?” I had to tell her that some parts surprised me and some of the things our kids said and did were part of what I’d expected.

Listen – Adjust – Reassure

After all, they didn’t choose this divorce. Amy and I did. Now it was up to us to help them overcome the effects of divorce and help them understand that they would be okay. (more…)

From the very beginning, I tried my best to be attentive to my children throughout the divorce process. Although I was dealing with some pretty severe emotional issues myself, I wanted first and foremost to help ease my children through this period so that they could emerge on the other side as strong people.

Because I work full time and must also take care of the house by myself since my ex-husband’s departure, I found it difficult to find time to spend with the kids. (more…)

Although our children have suspected that something is wrong, they have each been reacting differently. We’ve gotten calls from the school principal about our youngest son Matthew, age 8, and how he has been having trouble at school and most recently that he is bullying other kids.

Now we have to actually tell the kids all the details about our upcoming divorce. I have to admit that I dread this. I really feel unprepared to explain to them how my wife and I, married for 12 year’s, can’t continue to provide the type of dream family they want.

Of course, they knew things were getting rough and our fashion conscious daughter was already starting to drift away from me and her brothers, preferring to hang out with her tiny group of friends at the mall. (more…)

I really struggled with the issue of when to sit down and talk to the children about the divorce.

On one hand, they obviously understood that there was a problem because their father had moved out of the house. Having been married for 7 years, I was also struggling with the grief of losing a loved one.

Initially, I decided to tell the children that their father was having some difficulties and was trying to work out his issues on his own. (more…)