Your Guide to Surviving Divorce

There is no doubt that our divorce has been rough on Olivia leaving her feeling extremely insecure. While I expected some regression in her behavior and felt it would be normal under the circumstances, I was shocked by how much she regressed.

She went through a long period of thumb sucking which she hasn’t done since she was about her brother Andrew’s age, who is now two, and she also began wetting the bed again. I knew I had to do something fast before these behaviors became too ingrained. What my daughter needed was reassurance that she was going to be all right…that we were going to be all right as a family.

I called a psychologist friend of mine who deals with children on a daily basis and has seen all kinds of behaviors in children after divorce. (more…)

I think in many ways the separation and divorce has been much harder on my preschool daughter, Olivia (age 5) than on her younger brother Andrew (age 2).

While Olivia still doesn’t understand exactly what divorce is, she did notice some of the tension between my now ex-husband and I in the weeks before the separation.

When Mark left, I tried to spend more one on one time with the children and made special time just for Olivia and I because she seemed to becoming quite withdrawn.

Then one day I got a call from her kindergarten teacher. I had to immediately leave work and pick her up from preschool because she had kicked another child. I could tell by the look on her face that she thought she was in big trouble. (more…)

After the divorce I thought Andrew, my 2 year old, was taking everything in stride. He seemed mostly unaffected by the divorce.

When we were married he usually only saw his father for a few hours around supper time and on weekends so I guess I figured that he simply wouldn’t notice that “daddy” wasn’t around anymore. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

About a month after Mark left the house, Andrew began losing his appetite, especially at dinner time. No amount of coaxing would get him to eat and he kept looking at his father’s empty chair though he didn’t say anything. It was then that it dawned on me. (more…)

Divorce affects every child a little differently, and with my son Andrew (age 2) he had no idea what divorce was. All he knew was that one day his daddy was there and the next he was gone.

When you stop to consider that when you are a toddler, mommy and daddy are your entire world, it has to be pretty frightening to wake up and find half your world has disappeared overnight.

Almost overnight my happy go lucky independent “little man” changed into a clingy and fussy child. He would follow me from room to room when we were at home and wouldn’t even sleep in his own bed for the first few weeks after his father left. (more…)

My daughter Olivia, who is 5, is a very bright little girl and her mind is always thinking. Like many small children however, her conclusions aren’t always the right ones.

I discovered a few weeks ago that my daughter was blaming herself for her father leaving and our divorce.

I had no idea that she had been harboring such thoughts as I had followed the advice of all the experts and assured both her and Andrew, over and over again, that Mark’s leaving had nothing to do with them.

I thought she understood until a couple of months ago when I was helping her get ready for bed and she suddenly insisted she needed to go outside and put her toys away. (more…)

From the very beginning, I tried my best to be attentive to my children throughout the divorce process. Although I was dealing with some pretty severe emotional issues myself, I wanted first and foremost to help ease my children through this period so that they could emerge on the other side as strong people.

Because I work full time and must also take care of the house by myself since my ex-husband’s departure, I found it difficult to find time to spend with the kids. (more…)

I really struggled with the issue of when to sit down and talk to the children about the divorce.

On one hand, they obviously understood that there was a problem because their father had moved out of the house. Having been married for 7 years, I was also struggling with the grief of losing a loved one.

Initially, I decided to tell the children that their father was having some difficulties and was trying to work out his issues on his own. (more…)

First and foremost, my husband and I wanted to explain to the children that the divorce was not anyone’s fault. This was the basis of what we decided to tell the children. Although I had previously told the children that their father was working on some problems, I did not want to make him out to be the bad guy.

When we sat down to talk to the kids about the divorce, I was sure to explain that mommy and daddy made this decision together and that it was not any one person’s fault that things were changing. This was difficult for me because I did ultimately blame my husband for what was happening due to his affair. (more…)

After a time, it became clear that my husband was interested only in maintaining his lifestyle as he currently knew it. In other words, he wanted the best of both worlds. If he had it his way, he would have continued to see his girlfriend while keeping his family in a tidy little package at home.

Obviously, that was not going to work for me so I decided to press forward and file for divorce. Now that I was certain that the divorce would be completed in the near future, I felt it was time to have a talk with the children about what was going to be happening to our family.

I told my soon to be ex-husband Mark of my decision to continue with the divorce and although he was not sure what he wanted, he agreed to speak to the children with me. Although it was difficult to even be in the same room as my cheating spouse, I knew that I had to put my issues aside for the sake of the children. (more…)